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I Can’t Find My Shoes!

Oddball employee absence excuses, thanks to


Employee told boss: "I can’t come into work today because my car radio doesn’t work."

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Employee said she had been kidnapped and just released from her captors.

Employee blamed employer for not giving him a wake-up call.

Employee, who lived next to the factory where he worked, walked to the factory’s guard shack and told the attendance clerk that he couldn’t make it in because the roads were too slippery from the 5 inches of snow that had fallen during the night.

Employee’s wife called and said, "My husband can’t come to work today. He is incarcerated."

Employee said he was experiencing "morning sickness" because of his wife’s pregnancy.

Employee had to make an emergency visit to the dentist to remove dental floss that got lodged between his teeth while getting ready that morning.


Employee said, "I can’t come in today. I got into a fight with my neighbor, and she hit me in the head with a coffee mug."

Employee contracted mono after kissing a mailroom intern at the company holiday party and suggested the company post some sort of notice to warn others who may have kissed him.

Employee couldn’t find shoes.

Employee swallowed too much mouthwash.

Employee was upset because his favorite "American Idol" contestant was voted off.

Employee’s psychic told her to stay home.

Employee said bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

At her sister’s wedding, an employee chipped her tooth on a mint julep, bent over to spit it out, hit her head on a keg and was knocked unconscious.


Employee said a hit man was looking for him.

Employee said, "My cat unplugged my alarm clock."

Employee said, "Someone put LSD in my salad."

Employee claimed to be stuck on an island after his canoe floated away.

Employee donated too much blood.

Employee wasn’t feeling well and wanted to rest up for the company holiday party that night.

Groundhog bit employee’s car tire, causing it to go flat.

Employee said, "I’m too drunk to drive to work."

While at a circus, a tiger urinated on the employee’s ear, causing an ear infection.

Employee said, "I’m too fat to get into my work pants."

Employee said, "The ghosts in my house kept me up all night."

Employee hit a turkey while riding a bike.

Employee’s dog was stressed out after a family reunion.

Employee poisoned by his mother-in-law.
Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.

Employee’s wife said he had a lot of chores to do around the house.

Skunk sprayed all of the employee’s work uniforms.

Employee was sad.

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– Jim Smith

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