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Editor's Notebook

Later, The Rock Does A Brake Job


Let’s face it, the XFL has as much to do with football – or real sports – as, well, the WWF.

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America’s scribes have weighed in heavily against the XFL, comparing and contrasting the fledgling league’s attempt at football with the pinpoint execution and superior athleticism of a NFL contest. Even the skills displayed in a Cardinals-Bengals game.

But I thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the XFL as football with some of the prevailing myths surrounding the tire business. One is very believable, the other a series of unfortunate misnomers. You make the call.

Keep in mind: If you can’t laugh at yourself, well, just who can you laugh at? Oh yeah – the XFL.

Facts of the XFL as Football

Myths of the Tire Business

Scantily clad, medically endowed cheerleaders entertain paying customers with their shocking display of cleavage.

Donut endowed tirebuster shocks the paying customers by displaying a little too much cleavage while bending over.

Vince McMahon plans to leave his multi-billion dollar WWF/XFL empire to his kids when he dies.


Tire dealers hope there’s something left to leave their kids after the government gets done.

After scoring, teams break into wild dances reminiscent of spastic bacteria in a petri dish.

Front counter, covered in coffee rings and donut crumbs, is a petri dish.

XFL teams made up of ex-roofers, school teachers, waiters, etc.

Tire shops made up of ex-roofers, school teachers, waiters, etc.

XFL blimp crashes in Oakland – many consider it a bad omen.

Famed tire blimps®€ƒah, never mind.

Beer cranked crowd gets worked into a frenzy, screaming wildly at everyone in sight and generally making idiots of themselves.


Sugar cranked kids get worked into a frenzy, screaming wildly at each other and running rampant through the shop, making mom feel like an idiot.

Real football fans go into a bad-football-induced coma somewhere after the first series of downs.

Customers go into a long-wait-induced coma somewhere after the first half hour.

XFL players get to choose their own nicknames – like "He Hate Me" and "Baby Boy" – to put on their jerseys.

Tirebusters get to choose between "Junior" and "Bubba" to put on their uniforms.

Quarterback’s signals broadcast throughout stadium so everyone can hear the play and the snap count. Defense very happy.


Dealership manager screams across the store: "Hey, did you put the lug nuts back on that car?" Customers very worried.

Jesse Ventura takes part-time gig as XFL announcer – proving nuts don’t fall too far from the tree.

Kind-hearted Minnesota tire dealers hope audition goes well for Ventura so he’ll have a job once the nut gets voted out of office.

Many XFL players still think they have a shot at playing in the NFL.

Many dealers still think they have a shot at getting their backordered tires.

NBC installs five-second broadcast delay in hopes of keeping cuss words off TV – plan fails miserably.

No five-second delay involved when technician whacks hand with wrench.

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