"Having any luck, Tooner?"
A string of choice words filled the air as Tooner wrestled the dripping light truck tire out of the water tank. 
Obviously, the leak he was looking for had not been found. I tiptoed away so he could curse in peace.
“Still nothing?” queried Basil.
I shook my head. “How can a tire be fine for three days and then go totally flat overnight? I starting to think there’s prankster in Toon’s neighborhood.”
Fifteen minutes later Tooner was on his hands and knees, peering through a huge magnifying glass at the soapy bubbles that now covered the tire. “I could swear I saw one o’these suckers move,” he muttered.
I threw up my hands. “Listen, Tooner, I feel for you; nobody likes to come out in the morning and find a flat tire on his truck. But we’ve got work to do. As a matter of fact, Brian’s been in the waiting room for half an hour!”
Grudgingly he got to his feet and gave the tire a vicious kick. “I’ll deal with you later!” he said threateningly. Then he looked at me sheepishly. “Sorry, Slim. Slow leaks are aggravating.”
“Then you should be able to sympathize with Brian. His battery goes dead every three days.”
We guided Brian’s 2005 Mustang into the shop. “I think I’m on to something!” the enthusiastic car owner exclaimed as he climbed out of the vehicle. “I bought this multi-meter at the electronics store and measured the draw on my battery. There’s 12 volts leaking out, even when everything is turned off!”
“Three days, you say,” mused Tooner, staring off into space. “Same as my truck tire…”
I glared at him. “I’m sure there’s no correlation. Now pay attention to Brian’s problem.”
Tooner sighed and opened the hood. “12 volts, eh? How many amps?”
Brian gave him a blank look. “What’s an amp?”
Fortunately, Basil intervened before Tooner could put his sarcasm into gear. “Brian, you had the meter hooked up correctly; you just used the wrong setting. You have to measure amperage, not voltage.” Brian still didn’t understand, so Basil continued. “Most vehicles today will have what we call parasitic draw. That’s tiny amounts of power used to keep things active, like the memories in the vehicle computers.”
Brian frowned. “But won’t that drain the battery?”
“Oh, it’s a very small amount of power,” said Basil. “Usually less than 200 milliamps. A good battery can handle that just fine.”
“The point is,” interrupted Tooner, “whether it’s drawing .025 amps or 50 amps, it’s still going to read 12 volts. That’s why you can’t use the voltage setting to take a reading.” Tooner got out his own meter and rigged up the test leads between the positive cable and the battery post. “See that? It’s only drawing…” Tooner rubbed his eyes and squinted hard at the readout. “Hmm. It’s pullin’ 429 milliamps.”
“But that’s too high, right?” said Brian.” “Doesn’t that mean there’s a problem?”
“Hang on to yer shorts.” Tooner tapped on the multi-meter and straightened up. “Some modules can take up to half an hour to power down. Let’s see what it says after coffee break.”
We all headed for the staff room, except for our crusty technician. Tooner went back to his tire for another round of abuse, and from what we could hear, the tire was winning.
When we gathered later around the Mustang, the battery draw was still over 400 milliamps. “Toon, I think we have a problem. Better start pulling fuses until we find the circuit causing the drain.” In the end, the factory stereo amplifier proved to be the source of the problem, and a few phone calls to the right people revealed that this was a common failure. Seeing how it was off warranty, Brian had the choice of sending the amp out to a stereo shop for repairs, or buying a new system. For the time being, we unplugged the amplifier and sent him on his way.
The battery drain was solved, but Tooner’s tire leak wasn’t. “It’s gotta be that brat next door pullin’ a fast one on me,” he concluded as he bolted the tire and wheel back onto his truck.
“I can’t imagine why,” I said. “I’m sure you’re the epitome of the perfect neighbor…except for the time you backed over his skateboard.”
“Hey, look, it weren’t my fault he left it in the driveway.”
“Yeah, but it was his driveway, not yours.”
He glared at me. “Anyway, I know a way to fix him.” Opening the hood, he pointed to a homemade contraption taped to the rad support. “I used an old mercury switch out of a trunk lid, and stuck a relay between the horn and the battery. If somebody messes with my truck in a way that makes it sag on one side – like letting the air outta my tire – then the horn’ll come on full force.” He chuckled darkly. “That should scare some sense into that young punk!”
The next morning Tooner looked a little groggy when he arrived for work. “Well, did your booby trap work?” I asked.
“Oh, it works fine.” He carefully removed his greasy ball cap, revealing a large white bandage on the top of his head. “I just gotta remember to turn it off before I get in to start my truck.”
Rick Cogbill, a freelance writer and former shop owner in Summerland, B.C., has written The Car Side for a variety of trade magazines for the past 14 years. “A Fine Day for a Drive,” his first book based on the characters from this column, is now available for order at thecarside.com.
