The glow of the Olympics has passed, and we’re tired of all ofthe Travel Channel reruns. I mean, just how many times can we seeAndrew Zimmern eat his way through your country? And how you letSamantha Brown in we’ll never know.
It’s not that we don’t likeyou. Heck, you’ve got more cool history in a grain of rice than we dofrom sea to shining sea. And who doesn’t love those pandas? But we justdecided that we don’t want what it is you have to sell. You see,despite our inbred desire to buy everything on sale (even if it isn’t),we’ve apparently decided it’s best if we just fend for ourselves. Fromnow on, we’ll be taking back production of a whole host of goods ourcorporations effectively outsourced to you many years ago.
So,for the foreseeable future, please keep those cell phones, DVD andBlu-Ray players and digital cameras (except maybe a few iPhones causethey are just too cool). Computers and monitors and servers and modemscan stay there, as well. And we won’t be needing any of thoseinexpensive office desks and chairs.
Kick those football teesand toss away the baseballs. Gloves, too. And don’t forget the battinghelmets and catcher’s gear, hats and uniforms and socks. Baseball isAmerica’s Game (don’t tell the NFL) and we’ll make our own gear, thankyou very much! Who cares if batting helmets cost $300 each!
Nobody really likes yard work, so hang on to those rakes and shovels and planters and hoses…all of that stuff.
Coffeecups, cookware, glasses, plates and place settings? No thanks. Samewith tablecloths and napkins (not that we use those).
Tchotchkes, bric-brac, niff-naws, thingamabobs, doo-dads…we just don’t have room anymore.
And box up those jeans, shirts and pink tank tops. OMG…can you believe just how cute those are?
Youknow, this list will just get out of control and I just don’t have thetime right now. I’ll send you an e-mail later. Better yet, just stopshipping anything over here. That way the unions will be happy, andwe’ll be able to return to normal around here.
One thing…ship afew more containers of those “We’re No. 1” foam fingers our way. Wehave a big “Welcome Back Manufacturing” rally planned and, well, we’reon a bit of a budget.
If you have comments to share, send to me at [email protected].
– Jim Smith
