Hackneyed writing presented as world-beating news mostly.
The worse offenders? Computer and logistics outfits by far, where the English language appears to be fair game for oddball twists, turns and misinterpretation. Second place, of course, goes to corporate heads (in any industry) that substitute gobbledygook for plain speaking.
To give you a bit of flavor, this came across our desks today. The company names have been removed to protect the guilty:
XXXXXX Corporation, leaders in access management and compliance, today announced that XXXXXXXXXXX has selected XXXXXXX (Some Software Product) solution to deliver identity and access management capabilities for users accessing the company’s geographically-distributed IT resources. XXXXXXXXX selected XXXXXXXX based on the solution’s functionality, manageability and total cost of ownership over time after a rigorous, multi-stage vendor selection process.
For XXXXXXXXX, identity and access management are critical in supporting the company’s key business and IT operational goals of improving productivity and efficiency without compromising confidentiality, availability and integrity. A member of the Fortune 500, the company is subject to regulatory compliance requirements for the Sarbanes-Oxley Act (SOX), Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPPA), and the Payment Card Industry Data Security Standard (PCI DSS).
"We selected XXXXXXXX for its ability to quickly implement an identity management framework that enables XXXXXXXX to provide immediate and appropriate access to our workforce and improve data security, while delivering a lower total cost of ownership than competitive solutions," said (Some Guy), (Some Title) at XXXXXXX. "The ability to create connectors and workflows using the product’s configuration capabilities instead of java coding was a key differentiator. The XXXXXXXX team achieved every objective required during a two week proof of concept, including ones that we were not able to implement with our prior tools. XXXXXXX’s strategic partnership with XXXXXXXX was also considered an advantage given XXXXXXXX’s existing long-term relationship with the vendor."
XXXXXXX also deployed (Some Other Software) from XXXXXX’s security division that helps the company enforce centralized identity assurance policies that protect web-based enterprise resources from unauthorized access, ensure compliance, and ultimately make it easier for users to do their jobs. The combination of (Some Software) and XXXXXX’s provisioning and password management capabilities provides XXXXXXX with an integrated solution that is available directly from XXXXXXXX.
XXXXXXXX wanted to replace a mainframe identity management system that did not adequately support the rapid growth of distributed systems across the enterprise. The company needed a cost-effective solution that would combine disparate technologies and enforce access compliance policies across the entire organization.
The project, which began in (Some Date) is being implemented in three phases. The first phase involves simplifying password management to increase employee productivity and reduce help desk costs associated with password resets. XXXXXX’s transparent synchronization software – a component of the (Some Software) – is being used to synchronize passwords for more than 30,000 active users across an environment that includes Active Directory, AS400, SAP, UNIX and Oracle.
The second phase consists of automating user provisioning and de-provisioning to ensure that employees have access appropriate for their jobs. In the third phase, XXXXXXXX will help XXXXXXXX address compliance, auditing and role management. These steps ensure preventative controls around who (sic) has access to what and when by examining user access, how they compare against policy, and automating remediation and corrective action.
"XXXXXXX has been a significant contributor to XXXXXXX’s overall security and access compliance infrastructure, which has enabled the company to improve its overall operational efficiency," said (Yet Another Guy), (Yet Another Title) at XXXXXXX. "XXXXXXXX will continue to realize time and cost savings with XXXXXXX’s identity and access management solutions, as it further simplifies and reduces complexity in the areas of password management, user provisioning, compliance and role management."
Folks, we just cannot make this stuff up. And we are expected to pick through this collection of hijacked words to figure out what is really going on.
Maybe, just maybe, these companies will figure out a way to use plain English to explain what it is they are trying to explain, instead of butchering the language to make everything sound just so important. Maybe, just maybe, they will figure out that unless the actual customer understands what is going on, they won’t be selling a whole lot. Maybe.
If you have comments to share, send to me at [email protected].
– Jim Smith
