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Editor's Notebook

Head Scratchin’ Time: With Winter Behind Us, Here’s a Few Items to Start Your Spring

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Last year, I threw you a curve with the odd tale of the shape-shifting tire. There were certainly enough clues that it was a Sid Finch job, but to clarify once and for all: It was a fake! April Fools!

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It’s April again. Time for a foot of spring snow, a holiday break and some frivolity. Yes, I said snow.

Here is an interesting brain teaser. No prizes attached to this, and these aren’t trick questions. Actually, when you see the answers – posted below – you will groan at least once!

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?

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5. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters €⊕“dw,€ and they are all common words. Name two of them.

6. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Name at least half of them.

7. There are 12 ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Base on balls is one. Name the rest.

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Here is a supposed real job application – plucked from the Web – from a teenager looking for a job at Mickey Ds. Internet legend is that he was hired because he was honest and funny. What would you do?

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NAME: Greg Bulmash.

SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.

DESIRED POSITION: Company president or vice president. But, seriously, whatever’s available. If I were in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year, plus stock options and a CEO-style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer, and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I’m worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and Post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers’ Clearing House Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no. On my breaks, yes.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb, sexy, blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.

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DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE?: Yes. Absolutely.

SIGN HERE: Aries.

* * * * * * *

No frivolity here. Just a reminder that the deadline to enter the 2007 Tire Review Top Shop Awards presented by Hennessy Industries is fast approaching. Entering is simple – just visit tirereview.com, click on the Top Shop Award banner, print out a copy, fill it in, write a short, 300-word essay and mail, fax or e-mail it!

The Top Shop Award honors the best-of-the-best dealer businesses. Don’t cheat yourself out of an opportunity to show off your business – because this contest is all about business.

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And, the top prizes aren’t all bad: a Coats APX90 tire changer, $1,500 in cash, airfare/hotel for two to the 2007 SEMA Show, a custom-designed Top Shop trophy and a feature story in our October issue. Three Top Shop finalists will each receive a Coats 1250 balancer, $500 in cash, feature stories in that October issue and a Top Shop Finalist plaque.

Good luck!

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Answers To Quiz:

1. Boxing

2. Niagara Falls
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

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3. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. Baseball.

5. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

6. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces and ellipses.

7. Hit by pitch; Fielder’s choice on a grounder; An error; Wild pitch on a third strike; Passed ball on a third strike; Catcher’s interference; First baseman’s interference (impeding the runner); Batter hits runner with a fair ball; Batter hits umpire with a fair ball that is untouched by a fielder; Fielder throws cap or glove at a batted ball and hits it; Be a pinch runner.

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