I’m Anthony. I work for a telemarketing company and spend my days calling small businesses and selling them things they really don’t need. And boy…I’m good at it!
Commission sales really motivates me, and that’s how my company operates. If I don’t sell, I don’t eat. Let me tell you, I eat very well, drive a fancy car, have a trophy wife and an ex I send a bunch of money to each month because the courts say I have to. But it’s OK, I make plenty of money!
I sell to business owners who simply don’t know what they don’t know. That really works in my favor. The less they know, the better my sales pitch works. Right now, my job has me calling and representing myself as a rep with Google. Everybody’s heard of Google, but very few know how it works. Actually, I don’t really know how it works either, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve honed down my sales script and close 3% of my calls. That puts me in the top 10% of the salespeople here. Talk about great job security! I’ll say anything to get the sale.
Want to hear my script? Yeah, I bet you would. OK, here’s a little inside baseball information for you. Those who don’t read this won’t know any better and I’ll sell to them. You, on the other hand, will know what to tell me and I’ll know you read this in Tire Review. Good for you! I’ll hang up in just a few seconds and immediately make my next call. Call volume equals money! Here’s my script:
Anthony: “Good morning, may I speak with the owner please?”
Shop: “May I ask who’s calling?”
Anthony: “Of course! This is Anthony. I’m calling because our records show your business hasn’t updated your Google business listing with us.”
That usually does it! I get to the owner more often than not. I count on receptionists not being well trained to screen calls like mine. Sure, there are many other salespeople out there calling them every day, but I’m good, persuasive and come across as if I’m from Google. Your “free” listing simply needs to be updated. It’s “free,” so what’s the harm, right? I get the owner’s name and wait until Paul the owner picks up.
Anthony: “Hey, Paul, this is Anthony. I’m calling because your business hasn’t updated your free Google business listing with us. As a result, your website isn’t ranking well. In fact, your competitors are kicking your butt on page one. No one goes beyond page one on a search. So let me verify your business information.”
From here, I go over everything my company has gathered about this business, which is valuable information for us, and update our records. Then I go for the kill.
Anthony: “Paul, just updating your records won’t ensure your website will be on page one. We have a couple packages that will put you in the top position, not only on Google but on Yahoo and Bing, too. And the cost is cheap compared to the work you’ll get out of this. What would it be worth to you to dominate your competitors online? We do this all the time and can get you on the top of Google for only $495 per month. Fix one car a month and you’ve more than paid for this. I just need some additional information to get started…”
Now I start going over the various packages we have, counter his objectives (I’ve got an answer for everything), upsell into automated social media management, mobile apps and more. Once we’ve got their money, we turn all the work over to our overseas operations and our company makes a fortune! That’s how they can afford to pay me so well. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got more calls to make.
Warning: Anthony Is Not From Google
Dear readers: Anthony isn’t from Google. Google doesn’t have telemarketers calling you to boost your search rankings. That would be like Consumer Reports taking advertisers and then giving them inflated reviews.
No one can promise you page one or position one rankings on any search engine unless you’re paying for the sponsored ads at the top and sides of the page. If anyone calls you and says they can, tell them to take you off their call list and never call again. It’s simply not ethical. You probably receive emails promising the same thing. Ignore those. SEO is real, but few really know it well and they probably aren’t calling you.
Today, I heard a radio advertisement by a major national company promoting website development. They said, “We will actively promote your website on more than 100 search engines.” Their website has a testimonial that says, “We saw results right away.” Tricky lingo. You can’t “promote” your site on search engines unless you pay for it. And results take 60 to 90 days before search engines fully recognize changes to a website – and longer if it’s a new one.
Buyer beware. An educated business is Anthony’s worst enemy.