It’s April, so that means it’s time for some foolishness. Sadly, though, this foolishness would be funnier if it wasn’t true. 

 See, we live in a reactive society, sort of an effect/cause existence. A lot of the inconveniences we endure – rules, regulations, product directions – are in place because someone did something really dumb.

This all, of course, goes back to when man discovered fire. Early man didn’t know fire would burn his hand until he stuck it in the flames.

Today, we know to warn our children about the dangers of fire. Some, however, still need to find out for themselves.

Unfortunately, more than a few need multiple singeings to figure it out. We later elect this group to public office.

The Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) collects wacky warning labels from consumer goods ®€“ labels like "Do not use while sleeping" affixed to a hairdryer. This dire printed warning would not exist had some fool not actually performed that trick and injured him/herself and filed a lawsuit.

If companies and lawyers were able to predict every potential act of idiocy, we’d still be dressed in fig leaves and every stone and pointed stick would be weighed down by layers of adhesive labels.

Some labels simply defy common sense, such as "Use like regular soap" included in the directions for a bar of soap. You know some halfwit called Dial and asked. But why do we need instructions for soap?

When you think about the genesis of some of these warning labels, you can’t help but wonder just how many really stoopid people there are out there. And they are allowed to vote!

I’m waiting for a warning label on tires that states: "Do not lie in front of this product while in use." Of course, thinning the gene pool wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

M-LAW conducts an annual contest, selecting the most wacked-out wacky labels for special recognition. So, in honor of all the April Fools out there, and courtesy of M-LAW, here’s a list of some of the more amusing real life instructions offered.

• Printed on the bottom of a packaged dessert: "Do not turn upside down."

• On a frozen meal: "Product will be hot after heating."

• Clothes iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

• Children’s cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

• Sleep aid tablets: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

• Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

• Can of peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."

• Halloween costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

• Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

• Fishing lure: "Harmful if swallowed."

• Bottle of drain cleaner: "If you do not understand, or cannot read, all directions, cautions and warnings, do not use this product."

• Snow sled: "Beware: Sled may develop high speed under certain snow conditions."

• CD rack: "Do not use as a ladder."

• Smoke detector: "Do not use the silence feature in emergency situations. It will not extinguish a fire."

• Electric router: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

• Folding stroller: "Remove child before folding."

• Massage chair: "Do not use massage chair without clothing. Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving."

• Snowblower: "Do not use snowthrower on roof."

• Dishwasher: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher."

• CD player: "Do not use as a projectile in a catapult."

• Fireplace lighter: "Do not use near fire, flame or sparks."

• Laser printer: "Do not eat toner."

• 13-inch wheelbarrow wheel: "Not intended for highway use."

• Car sunshield: "Do not drive with sunshield in place."

• Bathroom heater: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms."

• Can of pepper spray: "May irritate eyes."

• Shin guards: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover."

• Manufactured fireplace log: "Caution – Risk of Fire."

• Birthday cake candles: "Do not use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity."

• Public toilet: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking."