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So Many Possible Headlines, So Little Space

March 01, 2012
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WARNING: Before reading, you may wish to avert their eyes - or poke them out with a pointed stick. Your choice.

Folks, there are some things you just can't make up. This really happened in San Francisco, it was really photographed by an iPhone-using Starbucks patron, a real Volvo windshield was destroyed, and the driver will never be able to unsee what flew at him.

While the details of what precipitated the incident remain unclear, what is known is that on Feb. 28 SFList.com posted this photo in all its “splendor.” Being a family website, we added the black strip…perhaps we should have made it bigger.

Further posted on geekologie.com under the headline “Real Life Michelin Man (Woman) Goes on Nude Car Stomping Rampage,” the “story” recounted “A woman described as ‘heavyset’ and naked – except for her shoes – was pulled off the J-Church line on Tuesday morning (Feb. 28), and while cops and medical personnel were evaluating her near the intersection of 24th and Church in Noe Valley, she threw off a blanket that had been wrapped around her, walked up on the hood of one man's car, and stomped on his windshield. The man, John Knight, described the crazed woman as about 250 pounds, and he had a lot of explaining to do to his insurance company. The woman was hospitalized but it does not seem that she was arrested. Knight says he won't press charges because, well, she's unhinged.”

What really brought the whole thing home for us, though, was the well-placed (unfortunate?) Goodyear web banner ad that appeared on the geekologie.com website. Guess that was part of the tiremaker’s “get connected” efforts.

I am trying very hard to not be more insulting here – most meltdowns are not as ‘inspired’ as this – but the photo caption was: “Seen here, a Volvo driver opted for Goodyears instead of Michelin, a woman baring a striking resemblance to the Michelin man prepares to teach their windshield a thing or two about brand loyalty.”

And some of the reader comments on SFlist.om and geekologie.com were priceless:

“Best iPhone ad ever.”

“This is one of those 'once in a lifetime' (hopefully) experiences.”

“A wild snorlax has gone on a rampage.”

“That coffee looks pretty good.”

“Joke might be on Mr. Knight as some insurance companies won't pay out for ‘Acts of Gob’.”

“At least she wore shoes...”

“OMG. He was IN the car? The view, man, The View! (Some things cannot be unseen)”

“Looks to me like she could use some more meth.”

“Now the poor guy is blinded for life!!!”

“I was thinking Whitesnake/Tawny Kitaen.”

“Well, it WAS unseasonably warm today.”

“MY eyes MY EYES!  AAAAAAAAAAGH!”

“Action captured with digital device
 Shared so all could see
 The reflection of the iPhone
 Shimmering from sea to shining sea.
Thank you, Steve Jobs!”

BTW: Feel free to offer comments, but know that I have my finger on the “BLOCKED FOR ALL TIME” button.